HELP YO SELF
Updated: Jul 29, 2019
You gotta take care of you. Don’t expect others to do it, and don’t get mad if they don’t. Life is all about what YOU make of it! One little song, can change my mood. One little ray of sun can make me smile. So, if something so simple can make any difference, then something even bigger can make a change.
The devil tries to get to me every single day, and some days, I allow it. He tears apart my insecurities, praises my doubts, and makes me feel like I have nothing and am nothing. But then I read this in my Bible App plan,
“Do not remember the disappointments, regrets or losses of the past. It’s far too easy to allow sentiment to erode your significance. Significance is about the future and all that is ahead, but sentiment is about the former things. If you are the kind of person who looks back, remember, your significance is in what is ahead of you, not what is behind you.” – Brian Houston
When I read this, it made me realize that I have been indeed finding my significance in the past and not my future! I haven’t been allowing God to show me why I’m significant, why I am where I am, and why I matter!! And it gets to the point, that I bash on my own self image. SO (clap). NOT (clap). HEALTHY (clap).
I start to pick myself up, and breathe for a bit… aaaaaaand then social media jumps into the fight!!!! I guess it wants its turn too!! Today, social media through a BIG punch!
Not many people know this about me, but I have wanted to be a performer since I was little. Every Halloween I was some singer or pop star!
One I remember clearly: Josie from Josie and The Pussycats! My Dad even made me a matching headset! Yeah he’s kinda cool!
I fit the part perfectly! I was in choir from age 5 up until sophomore year of college, I was in vocal jazz all of high school, I played the saxophone in band 6-8 grade, I took piano lessons for 3 years, not including my college classes, I took voice lessons for 7.5 years, I took guitar lessons for roughly 3 years, I took many aural comp and theory classes (high school and college), I took multiple recording classes, I have written lyrics since I was in 1st grade, and the list continues…. So, one may ask… why the heck aren’t you doing really anything in music?
Honestly, there are so many reasons! Living here in Nashville, I’ve noticed a different mindset: If you’re not perfect at music, then you’re not good.
CAUTION: RANT ABOUT TO COMMENCE!
I once had a friend who always judged me so harshly, and to sum it up, to him, I sucked. He would tell me that I was super pitchy, never in tune, couldn’t hold a beat, wasn’t good at guitar, and multiple other things that crushed me. And every time he kicked me down, I wanted sooo badly for this to spill out of my mouth:
(_____insert word of choice_____) YOU!
Then one day, I explained that I sing and play because I love it, and that it’s solely for me! His judgmental butt finally understood for a split hot second, and he realized that his college had been pressuring him to be perfect! And because of that, he didn’t enjoy music as much as before!
RANT OVER… continue reading if you’re still with me …
I see freshman in college release bangin’ albums, and I think…why didn’t I try hard enough at 19? Why am I just amateur at every passion I have? Why didn’t God gift me more in music? Why don’t I have that? Why can’t I have that? This becomes a never ending review in my mind, and I come to the conclusion, that I’m just not good enough. I start believing that lie! The same lie that the devil and social media preaches to everyone! YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
STOP BELIEVING THIS RIGHT NOW! This is the moment when you’re gonna sit and listen, and actually take something away! I wanna let you know, that you are PERFECTLY made and God did not mess up! Yaaaa, you may be a hot mess at times, but that’s okay! Don’t let the negativity and lies of this world grow you into someone you’re not meant to be! If you fail at one thing, GUESS FUDGING WHAT…there are so many other things to do in life! Pick up something new, discover what you are great at, and perfect it!
If I actually had more people believing in me and my music, I probably would have about 3 albums out. Time and time again, I get on these creative highs! For a couple of days, I work so soo sooo hard at my music, and then, I quit! I let my insecurities, and my envy of others, eat at my mind to the point where I forget why I’m doing it in the first place! I’m done letting the devil pick on me, and I’m done comparing my life to others!
Like I said at the beginning, life is what YOU make it! What will you make out of today?
P.S. Here is a good article I ran across while writing this: This Is Why Your Life Sucks Compare to Everyone Else Online
Sweater: The Limited – Goodwill
Skirt: Some Brand from the 80’s (not sure) – Goodwill
Necklaces: Forever 21
Chelsea Boots: Dolce Vita – Hautelook
Socks: Aldi (yeah I know; weird)