FINDING YOUR PEOPLE AS A 20-SOMETHING YEAR OLD
Updated: Jul 29, 2019
Can we just take one moment to be brutally honest with each other? Is that too much to ask from a complete stranger? ADULTING SUCKS BUTT! I wanted to get out of college so badly, that I unintentionally graduated a year early!!! A WHOLE YEAR EARLY!!!! I will NEVER get that year back!
I’ve lived in Nashville now for about a year and a half, and I still feel like I’m going around in the same circle. Every year I come back to this question, how can I make more friends? Now, it’s easy to make a ton of acquaintances, but I’m talking about something much much more deeper.
The friends that invite you to whatever they do, the friend that always calls you first, the friend that drops off a care package to your home when you’re sick, the friend that respects you, the friend that never stands you up, the friend that wants to work out together, the friend that invites you over for dinner… you get the idea!
Now, you’re probably thinking: “Welp, I’m gonna stop reading now because this chick is obviously a loser / awww she’s so pathetic it’s sad / I have no idea what she’s talking about; I have so many friends”… this list could be infinite! And you may as well be thinking these things, but guess what, I DON’T GIVE A CRAP! See that X, or red bubble at the top right/left on your screen, feel free to click that at any moment because I’m not forcing you to be here.
I do have friends, I promise!! But what’s hard with adulting, is that most of your friends are in completely different social circles. You have your work friends, your church friends, your music friends, your coffee shop friends, “Facebook” friends, friends galore! None of them truly connect, and you can try as much as you want, but you’re kinda living on different planets!
In college, it was sooo abnormally easy to make friends, but that’s one of the perks to college: you’re in your own world! Everyone pretty much has the same schedule. You made friends with those in your major, and then guess what… they. are. in. every. single. one. of. your. classes. for. the. next. 4. years. Before you know it, you’re all best friends, and can’t imagine life without each other (sappy Hallmark movie playing in the background).
Then you move away, and find the man/woman of your dreams, and start your career, anddddd are forced to ADULT! Waaabam…. most of those friends disappear and you have to start from scratch!
Lately, though, some things have changed! I’ve noticed that I’m making friends left and right, and I think I know why! So, if you’re in the same position that I am, I have some things to share!
Spend time in your passions
Really GO for it, and fall in love with something other than a person! You’ll discover there are so many others chasing after the same passions, that it’s hard not to want to connect! And if you compare now and then, isn’t it sorta like you making the friends in your major? You all had the same interests, therefore you connected on a deeper level!
This is exactly what I’m finding out with my music! The more I talk about my music, the more others want to get involved! The more time I actually spend being proactive in my love, and people get excited to see others excited (how weird right lol).
Be willing to surrender those who don’t benefit you
Now, this sounds brutal, but not everyone is supposed to play a role in your life. And you better start to realize that now, before the hurt sets in. These are the friends, that hopefully you have for your whole life; so chose wisely! If you meet someone, and their friends aren’t the type of people you want to associate with, then maybe just let that one friend go! THIS IS THE TIME to truly invest in people! You need someone (s) who are going to care about you, and not just have a one sided relationship.
I’ve had to do this in the past couple of months myself. One relationship failed, and the friends I gained from it, now are dropping like flies. I don’t blame them … that’s a tough situation to be in. But, honestly our friendship must not have had a strong base to start out with, if I’m so easily forgotten.
Meet up with people
I know this sounds super simple, but it’s worked. Lately, I’ve been interviewing people to step into the role as Social Media Manager for the band I work with. These are my people!! I’ve met up with so many already, and we really hit it off.
Even if you don’t have a reason like me behind meeting up, still do it! If you meet someone out shopping, at the coffee shop, at church, get their number or Facebook info and converse! Stop being afraid!
I’m working on my life constantly, and I hope I can be there for you. The type of friends I talk about ARE out there, you just have to keep your chin up, let go of the past, and try.